“Bad Horse, Bad Immigrant,” Says President as VP J.D. Vance Seen Feeding It a Single Sugar Cube Earlier That Day
WASHINGTON, D.C. – In an unprecedented move, President Donald J. Trump has ordered the immediate deportation of a White House horse after what he described as a “clear and total lack of respect” during a high-profile press event on the South Lawn.
The horse—Majestic Commander—was present as part of a ceremonial event when tensions flared after it outright rejected Trump’s personal offer of a treat.
The Snub Heard ‘Round the Lawn
According to multiple sources, Trump attempted to win over Majestic Commander by offering it a handful of McDonald’s French fries, a slightly melted McFlurry, and what one aide described as ‘a mystery meat cube.’
The horse:
• Sniffed the offering.
• Neighed loudly.
• Turned away in full view of the cameras.
“I’ve never seen a horse behave like this. Never,” Trump fumed to reporters. “I have the best snacks. The greatest snacks. And this horse? Total disrespect. It was a disgrace, folks. A real disgrace.”
Visibly frustrated, Trump then tried to pat the horse’s mane, at which point Majestic Commander tossed its head back dramatically—a gesture sources say was both “elegant” and “undeniably dismissive.”
Trump: “This Horse Entered Illegally”
Originally fixated on the snub, Trump quickly pivoted to a new argument, declaring the horse’s presence at the White House unlawful.
• “Was this horse even vetted? Nobody checked its papers.”
• “Could be from Canada, could be from France—we don’t know, folks.”
• “Frankly, it could be part of a deep state operation.”
VP J.D. Vance’s Suspicious Role
Adding fuel to the controversy, security footage surfaced showing Vice President J.D. Vance feeding Majestic Commander a single sugar cube earlier that day while whispering something into its ear.
• Minutes later, the horse neighed—the same neigh that Trump would later describe as “a direct attack.”
• When asked about the interaction, Vance smirked and simply said, “Some bonds can’t be broken.”
The Removal & Public Outrage
• ICE agents arrived on White House grounds to escort Majestic Commander away, but the horse initially refused to move.
• Secret Service agents resorted to waving a carrot in the direction of the exit.
• When asked where the horse was being sent, a White House spokesperson vaguely gestured toward the sky and muttered, “Away.”
Trump’s New Plan: “America First—Even for Horses”
Later that evening, Trump announced “Horses for America,” an initiative ensuring that only “loyal, hardworking, America-first horses” would be allowed in government facilities.
“This would have never happened with a strong, patriotic American horse,” Trump insisted.
• “We’re not taking horses from other countries anymore.”
• “Only loyal, hardworking, America-first horses.”
• “Maybe we go back to dogs. Or no pets at all. A lot of people are saying that.”
Meanwhile, Majestic Commander was last seen staring back at the White House, its tail flicking once in apparent defiance, as it was led away.
VP J.D. Vance stood nearby, holding another sugar cube, whispering, “We’ll meet again.”
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