Reports from Gaza suggest dozens of flaming Teslas were seen hurtling from the sky overnight, crashing into civilian infrastructure in what witnesses described as “the world’s first luxury-brand bombardment.”
The vehicles, some still equipped with functioning autopilot systems, allegedly veered mid-air before slamming into apartment blocks, clinics, and aid convoys. Residents described the sound as “like screaming eagles being crushed by capitalism.”
Elon Musk, CEO of Tesla and X (formerly Twitter), denied personal involvement but admitted he had “no idea where half the Teslas go after production,” citing a “loose and fluid supply chain.” He added, “Look, I just build the cars. What governments do with them is none of my business. Free speech.”
When asked about reports of Teslas painted in Israeli military colors with frags of Hebrew graffiti like “Silence Mode Activated” and “Battery Fully Charged,” Musk replied: “That sounds badass, to be honest.”
Human rights groups have condemned the attack as “insanely dystopian,” while Tesla stock rose 12% on rumors of a new government contract titled Operation Clean Energy Strike.
This is satire, of course. The real world is nothing like that…
Except, Israel has once again launched airstrikes on Gaza, escalating the conflict, while Tesla vehicles are being torched in protests as Elon Musk faces backlash over his political and business dealings.
If you prefer reality over satire (or just want to confirm how little difference there is), here’s what actually happened:
https://abcnews.go.com/US/tesla-vehicles-vandalized-us-musk-began-white-house/story?id=119910817
A Fine Selection of Satirical Amuse-Bouches:
Trump Signs Executive Order to Eliminate “Big Words” From English Language: “Less Words, Less Paper. Smaller Dictionaries. Massive Savings.”
Fast Food Giant Acquires Company That Turns Fecal Matter into Beef Patties
Newly Discovered Scriptures Hint at Possible Sequel to the Great Flood
Airline Adjusts Terms and Conditions to Clarify Risk of Catastrophic Events Now a Simple 50/50
