Parents, brace yourselves—a horrifying new TikTok trend is sweeping through Gen Z, and health experts are sounding the alarm.
It’s called ‘Shabbing’ (short for sh*t-dabbing), and it involves smearing a tiny dab of human feces behind the ears in the belief that it enhances natural pheromones and boosts attraction.
Where Did This Insanity Come From?
Inspired by the TikTok “vabbing” trend, which encouraged people to use vaginal secretions as perfume, shabbing takes things to a disturbing, biohazardous extreme.
“We’ve been brainwashed into thinking ‘clean’ is sexy,” explains @Shabfluencer420, a self-proclaimed expert in primal attraction.
“Our ancestors didn’t have soap, and they had ten kids by age 30. Coincidence? I don’t think so.”
Shabbing enthusiasts claim the practice amplifies natural charisma, increases raw, animalistic attraction, and even wards off “beta energy.”
Doctors Are BEGGING Teens to Stop
The medical community is in a state of total disbelief as emergency rooms report a dramatic spike in pink eye cases, olfactory assaults, and what one doctor called “unholy, apocalyptic B.O.”
Dr. Emily Cartwright, a leading epidemiologist, warns:
“I cannot believe I have to say this out loud, but rubbing fecal matter on your skin is NOT a good idea.”
Other doctors have noted a worrying increase in teenagers walking around with a “mystifying brown smudge” behind their ears and a noticeable uptick in school nurse visits due to complaints of “unexplainable stench-based bullying.”
Parental Outrage Grows as Schools Consider “Shabbing Bans”
Many parents are demanding action, with schools now considering “random sniff checks” and zero-tolerance ‘Shab Policies.’
One furious PTA mom described her horror after finding out her 14-year-old son had shabbed before a date.
“I caught him crouching behind the toilet, collecting a sample like some kind of deranged scientist,” she sobbed.
“He said all the ‘sigma males’ were doing it.”
Brands Are Already Capitalizing on the Trend
Despite the global health risk, luxury brands are rushing to monetize the movement, with rumors of celebrity-endorsed “Shab Scents” hitting the market.
Early contenders include:
• Dior’s ‘Eau de Toile’
• Calvin Klein’s ‘DEFECON-5’
• Tom Ford’s ‘Oud d’Doodoo’
TikTok Faces Backlash But Engagement Is Skyrocketing
Despite issuing an official statement condemning shabbing, TikTok has yet to ban the practice outright due to record-breaking engagement numbers.
Experts Warn: “If We Don’t Stop This Now, What’s Next?”
Health officials are now pleading with parents to monitor their children’s hygiene habits before it’s too late.
“If your child suddenly stops using soap, avoids showers, or smells like an abandoned gas station bathroom, you need to act immediately,” warns Dr. Cartwright.
“This could be a gateway trend. Today, it’s shabbing. Tomorrow, it’s full-body waste fermentation.”
Final Warning
🚨 If you suspect your child is shabbing, experts recommend taking immediate action: 🚨
✅ Perform routine ear-sniffing checks
✅ Monitor their TikTok searches for ‘natural musk theory’ and ‘sigma male pheromones’
✅ BURN ANY CLOTHING that smells ‘earthy’ or ‘unholy’
The world survived vabbing. But will we survive shabbing?
Only time will tell.
This is satire, of course. The real world is nothing like that…
But if you want to see how things actually work, here are some totally real, absolutely normal links that inspired this story:
- Vabbing Trend: This involves individuals applying vaginal secretions to pulse points as a form of perfume, aiming to attract potential partners. Health experts have debunked its effectiveness and raised hygiene concerns. Allure+3Wikipedia+3BuzzFeed+3
- Blackout Challenge: Participants intentionally asphyxiate themselves until they lose consciousness, leading to risks of brain damage or death. This challenge has been linked to multiple fatalities. Wikipedia+2Healthline+2Wikipedia+2Wikipedia – Die freie Enzyklopädie+5Wikipedia+5Wikipedia+5
- Milk Crate Challenge: Individuals attempt to climb stacked milk crates, often resulting in falls and serious injuries. Medical professionals have warned against participating due to the high risk of harm. Wikipedia
- Benadryl Challenge: This trend encourages consuming excessive amounts of the antihistamine diphenhydramine to induce hallucinations, posing severe health risks, including death. Wikipedia
These examples underscore the importance of critical thinking and caution when encountering viral trends on social media platforms.
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