“Completely Normal,” Says Senator as Aides Extinguish Flames
WASHINGTON, D.C. – Senator Chet Blazington emerged miraculously unscathed today after his pants spontaneously ignited mid-sentence during a press conference addressing allegations of dishonesty.
The flames erupted just as reporters pressed him on claims that he had “never once misled the American people.” A faint wisp of smoke from his left pocket quickly escalated into full-fledged flames engulfing his trousers.
Senator Insists Fiery Outburst Was a “Smear Tactic”
Despite the clear combustion, Blazington continued speaking as if nothing was wrong, casually swatting at the fire while aides rushed in with extinguishers.
“This is a coordinated attack by my political enemies,” he declared. “They want to silence me, but I will not be— ow, ow, okay that’s actually hot—I will not be intimidated.”
His office later issued a brief, dismissive statement, assuring the public that the senator was “completely fine” and that “his pants were always fire-resistant, just in case.”
Experts Debate: Coincidence or Metaphysical Justice?
Some blamed an e-cigarette malfunction, while others saw a higher power at work.
“Given the circumstances, we must consider the possibility of combustio mendacium—or ‘Liar’s Fire,’” said Dr. Linda Roebuck, professor of Political Ethics and Spontaneous Irony at Georgetown.
Public Reaction: “Yeah, That Tracks”
Social media was divided between shock and complete lack of surprise:
• “Politicians are full of hot air, but this is next-level.”
• “Pants on fire? The old rhyme was ahead of its time.”
• “Not even in the top five most embarrassing things to happen to a senator.”
Blazington Capitalizes on the Moment
Unfazed, Blazington turned the incident into a campaign rallying cry later that evening:
“The radical left tried to BURN ME ALIVE, but here I stand, STRONGER THAN EVER!”
His campaign immediately launched merchandise, featuring a flaming pair of slacks with the slogan:
“FEEL THE HEAT: BLAZINGTON 2026”
Meanwhile, fire departments have issued an advisory, warning politicians that “if you feel even a little guilty while making public statements, please stand near a fire extinguisher.”
Be First to Comment