A Historic Win for the Intellectually Impaired
In a landmark decision, global health organizations have agreed to classify stupidity as a registered disability, ensuring that those afflicted are no longer expected to function at the same level as their cruelly overthinking peers. Individuals diagnosed will receive official stupidity badges, which they must wear at all times, allowing others to recognize their condition and adjust their expectations accordingly.
One Man’s Journey from Ridicule to Recognition
For years, people like Barry Gunderson have suffered in silence. “I used to get yelled at a lot, I find a lot of things confusing like phones, computers, doors, windows… most things really” Barry recalls. “Now people just nod and say, ‘Bless you.’ It’s been life-changing.” No longer forced to endure the tyranny of intelligence, Barry can finally navigate life with the dignity he deserves.
Advocates Who Made This Possible
Advocacy groups like Brain Fog Relief have fought tirelessly for this recognition. Spokesperson Linda Clavicle, who has dedicated her life to supporting the intellectually impaired, expressed her relief. “Finally, we can create a world where the simple-minded can thrive without the relentless oppression of facts, logic, or basic common sense.”
Looking Ahead: A More Inclusive Society
With stupidity now officially protected, businesses, schools, and public institutions will need to adapt. Expect to see “Stupid-Accessible” spaces, simpler road signs, and new workplace policies designed to prevent discrimination against the cognitively challenged. “We just want fairness,” says Linda. “If someone wants to argue that the sun is cold or that birds are government drones, they should feel safe doing so.”
At last, stupidity has a place in society—right where it’s always been, but now with legal backing.
This is satire, of course. The real world is nothing like that…
But if you want to see how things actually work, here are some totally real, absolutely normal links that inspired this story:
Understanding the Darwin Awards:
- Origin: The Darwin Awards originated from Usenet newsgroup discussions around 1985 and were later formalized by Wendy Northcutt in 1993. de.wikipedia.org+3en.wikipedia.org+3fr.wikipedia.org+3
- Criteria: These awards are bestowed upon individuals who, through astoundingly poor judgment, remove themselves from the gene pool, thereby ostensibly aiding human evolution by eliminating detrimental traits. en.wikipedia.org
Notable Examples:
- Rocket Car Legend: A frequently cited Darwin Award involves an urban legend about a man who attached a jet-assisted take-off unit to his car, leading to a fatal accident. en.wikipedia.org
- Garry Hoy Incident: In a real-life case, lawyer Garry Hoy fell to his death while attempting to demonstrate the strength of a skyscraper window by throwing himself against it. en.wikipedia.org
Cultural Impact:
- Publications: The Darwin Awards have been compiled into several books, highlighting various instances of fatal foolishness. en.wikipedia.org
- Film Adaptation: The concept inspired the 2006 film “The Darwin Awards,” which portrays investigations into award-worthy incidents.
A Fine Selection of Satirical Amuse-Bouches:
The Future of Housing Fits on Your Back
Ronald McDonald Appointed Peace Envoy to “Bring Smiles, Hope and Large Fries” to World Conflicts
“He Died as He Lived—With a Fragrant Disregard for Health, Safety, and the Limits of Contemporary Music.”
Hollywood’s Bold New Pivot: Movies Where Characters Make Sensible Decisions
