The Alpha is Gone: Fans Hold Emotional Vigils for Andrew Tate

Andrew Tate learns final lesson in true alpha power as bear tears him limb from limb—Tate heard screaming, “Please! I didn’t consent to this!”

Onlookers say Tate initially attempted to square up against the beast, puffing out his chest and muttering something about “eye contact and frame.” However, as the bear effortlessly swiped him to the ground, his bravado collapsed faster than his crypto portfolio.

“Wait, wait, hold on! I— I’m not weak! This isn’t real strength! This is just—” Tate’s protests were cut short by a claw to the ribs, his voice cracking into a desperate squeal.

Witnesses report that he scrambled backward on all fours, hands outstretched in supplication. “Please! I get it now! You win! I submit!” he wailed, as the bear merely huffed and closed the distance.

What followed was a frenzied monologue of excuses and pleas. “I was just playing a character! It’s all a joke! You’re overreacting! Look, I’ll pay you! I’ll pay you so much money! You respect money, right?” The bear, indifferent to the social hierarchy of Hustler’s University, proceeded to tear into his shoulder.

As the carnage continued, Tate’s rhetoric devolved further. “No, no, NO! You’re supposed to want this! You’re choosing this! You’re—” A sickening crunch ended the sentence before he could finish.

Witnesses at the scene claim his final words were a high-pitched, broken wail: “TRISTAN! TRISTAAAN!” before the forest returned to silence.

The bear appeared to nod its head toward the onlookers, as if sharing an unspoken understanding, before dragging Tate’s lifeless body into the trees—perhaps to enjoy a nice Tate supper.

Yet while Tate’s final moments were anything but dominant, his most devoted followers refuse to accept this reality. Across the world, candlelight vigils have been held in his honor, with young men gathering in hushed circles to pay tribute. Murmurs of “Top G forever” and “the Matrix has won” drift through the air as mourners swap stories of their fallen leader’s wisdom—most notably, his firm belief that real strength is about control, unless of course, the opponent has claws.

This is satire, of course. The real world is nothing like that…

But if you want to see how things actually work, here are some totally real, absolutely normal links that inspired this story:

Andrew Tate’s ‘Alpha Male’ Persona: Andrew Tate, a self-styled ‘king of toxic masculinity,’ has gained notoriety for his misogynistic views and promotion of male dominance. 

• Influence on Youth and Educational Concerns: Educators have observed a negative impact on young male students who emulate Tate’s misogynistic rhetoric, leading to increased incidents of harassment and aggressive behavior in schools.

• Association with Violent Incidents: The triple murder case involving Kyle Clifford highlighted concerns about Tate’s influence, as the perpetrator had consumed Tate’s content prior to committing the crimes. 

• Platform Bans Due to Harmful Content: Spotify removed an Andrew Tate podcast titled “pimping hoes” following complaints about its dehumanizing content, reflecting broader efforts to limit the spread of his harmful ideology.